The proverbial penny
May. 20th, 2013 02:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
levadeI've been out of the fandom for...oh, a year? Just wasn't feeling love for the Hobbit, and why spoil the party for those who do love it?
After all, the Lord of the Rings movies hit me like a ton of bricks from the moment the first scene played on the screen. I was sucked into a world that was huge, deep, had more layers than a Vidalia onion and names that boggled my brain! Finarfin, Fingon, Fingolfin, Finrod, Feanor. AGH! I remember thinking that I had to be a certain kind of nuts to really care if someone's eyes would be grey (Nolorin), or possibly silver-blue (Telerin). Oh! And the kindred! Sure, you start out easy enough. There are three: Vanya, Noldo and Teler. Easy-peasy! Sure...then you get into the march, and you have those who didn't go (Avari), and those who stuck it out and waited for their love-struck leader to return (he was hanging out in the woods having a staring contest) called .... Yeah. You get it. Nandor. Falathrim. Silvan. Sindarin. Etc. Etc.
Thing is, Tolkien loved words. They were one of his passions, so it's not surprising that along with a story, you get a couple of unique languages and huge, complex world full of more complex cultures, all intertwined yet unique, and a mythos that can take years to figure out.
Add in HoMe and you're set for life as far as a hobby goes. Man, we Tolkien fans love nothing more than to argue a fine point of canon. Uhm....after we debate exactly what we think canon is, because after all, Christopher Tolkien took over after his father died, and yeah, you know...is that really canon?
Not going there, by the by, just sayin'.
So after spending from 2002 to.....2011 immersing myself in this mythos, these people....
I was kind of burned out. Not so much by the stories Tolkien told, but just the grind of fandom. For me, it felt like a grind at times, and when a hobby that is supposed to be fun becomes a grind? It's time to go before you sour it for those who still want to jump in and splash around.
I thought it was done, over. Okay, I couldn't bring myself to give up all my books, movies, CDs, DVDs, sculptures, artwork or any other sundry thing I'd ferreted away in those years.
And oh God. The fanfic. I spent a *lot* of time writing fanfic. You put a piece of yourself into that, you know. No small bit of heart and soul gets mingled with the time, blood and tears before you're ever ready to put story out for fan consumption. Spent plenty of time reading and such too. Talking about it, dreaming about it. Living in it in my mind.
I thought I was done. I really did.
Then, like a junkie, I got a hit and omg..... Fell face-flat in love with that Silmarillion all over again.
Damn you, Silmarillion. Damn your drama, your heroics, your politics, your characters and .....
If there was an island I was going to be stranded on and I was given the choice of one book....it would be the Silmarillion or the Bible. They both tell darn good stories, with ideas behind them that make you think. I love both.
Darn fanfic. Yes, of COURSE it was a fanfic that did all this stirry-uppy thing in me. A fanfic that grabbed me, shook me, riffled through my brain and left me staring after it, longing for more.
That's a good fanfic. *g*
And here I am, once again thinking of Tuor, Idril, and Elrond. Once again, I'm in love with Gil-galad, and Glorfindel, Ecthelion, and everyone's favourite bad bo...er...elves, the Feanorians. Once again, I'm re-thinking all that I thought, and....it's like when you were a kid and a tooth fell out. Your tongue could not leave that darn emptiness alone! It kept going there, and probing. Something was missing.
That's what fanfic is for me. What's missing? What's there that doesn't tell me enough? What do I want desperately to see that Tolkien never wrote?
The list is long. My writing is not up to the job, but that never stops me.
But, the year or so away wasn't for nothing. I always discover things about me, the world, about life and living when I'm away from the internets. It's my annual battery charge, walking in the rain and running in dizzying circles in a field to fall down and look up at the blue, blue sky. To see the clouds and wonder where the winds go, what they see, who they touch.
I learn a lot in those times. Sometimes I can bring it back with me.
This fanfic though, I'd swear she plucked images from my head, took unrealized desires and ideas and made them real. It was one of those rare times you read something and think ...yes.....YES! This. THIS. I wanted to read this for so long!
So I gave her a gushing review.
I'm a goofball. Always have been, always will be, despite everyone's efforts to refine me.
And I'm in love again. First Age, Second Age. Third Age. Time before the Sun and Moon. Those are the Ages that fire me, and make me wish (so hard, oh...so longingly) that they would bring it to life on the screen. But then again, seeing what they did with a few of my favourite characters? Eh...I'll pass. Like the movies, and I'll watch them, happily, but it's not what I see in my head.
I'd share the fanfic, but it's probably not going to hit you the way it did me. I love quirky, odd little stories that never get BNF status. I squirrel them away to read and re-read on the train, and hoard the images they spin in my head like Smaug and his gold.
After all, dragons know a thing or two about things of beauty and they can shoot fire.
Yeah, I'm a Smaug fan. I always did wonder if the "corrupted" things of Middle-earth went to Mandos, and if so, were they ever re-embodied? But that's another can of worms for the canonites to pick over. I'll just be over here blowing smoke rings....
After all, the Lord of the Rings movies hit me like a ton of bricks from the moment the first scene played on the screen. I was sucked into a world that was huge, deep, had more layers than a Vidalia onion and names that boggled my brain! Finarfin, Fingon, Fingolfin, Finrod, Feanor. AGH! I remember thinking that I had to be a certain kind of nuts to really care if someone's eyes would be grey (Nolorin), or possibly silver-blue (Telerin). Oh! And the kindred! Sure, you start out easy enough. There are three: Vanya, Noldo and Teler. Easy-peasy! Sure...then you get into the march, and you have those who didn't go (Avari), and those who stuck it out and waited for their love-struck leader to return (he was hanging out in the woods having a staring contest) called .... Yeah. You get it. Nandor. Falathrim. Silvan. Sindarin. Etc. Etc.
Thing is, Tolkien loved words. They were one of his passions, so it's not surprising that along with a story, you get a couple of unique languages and huge, complex world full of more complex cultures, all intertwined yet unique, and a mythos that can take years to figure out.
Add in HoMe and you're set for life as far as a hobby goes. Man, we Tolkien fans love nothing more than to argue a fine point of canon. Uhm....after we debate exactly what we think canon is, because after all, Christopher Tolkien took over after his father died, and yeah, you know...is that really canon?
Not going there, by the by, just sayin'.
So after spending from 2002 to.....2011 immersing myself in this mythos, these people....
I was kind of burned out. Not so much by the stories Tolkien told, but just the grind of fandom. For me, it felt like a grind at times, and when a hobby that is supposed to be fun becomes a grind? It's time to go before you sour it for those who still want to jump in and splash around.
I thought it was done, over. Okay, I couldn't bring myself to give up all my books, movies, CDs, DVDs, sculptures, artwork or any other sundry thing I'd ferreted away in those years.
And oh God. The fanfic. I spent a *lot* of time writing fanfic. You put a piece of yourself into that, you know. No small bit of heart and soul gets mingled with the time, blood and tears before you're ever ready to put story out for fan consumption. Spent plenty of time reading and such too. Talking about it, dreaming about it. Living in it in my mind.
I thought I was done. I really did.
Then, like a junkie, I got a hit and omg..... Fell face-flat in love with that Silmarillion all over again.
Damn you, Silmarillion. Damn your drama, your heroics, your politics, your characters and .....
If there was an island I was going to be stranded on and I was given the choice of one book....it would be the Silmarillion or the Bible. They both tell darn good stories, with ideas behind them that make you think. I love both.
Darn fanfic. Yes, of COURSE it was a fanfic that did all this stirry-uppy thing in me. A fanfic that grabbed me, shook me, riffled through my brain and left me staring after it, longing for more.
That's a good fanfic. *g*
And here I am, once again thinking of Tuor, Idril, and Elrond. Once again, I'm in love with Gil-galad, and Glorfindel, Ecthelion, and everyone's favourite bad bo...er...elves, the Feanorians. Once again, I'm re-thinking all that I thought, and....it's like when you were a kid and a tooth fell out. Your tongue could not leave that darn emptiness alone! It kept going there, and probing. Something was missing.
That's what fanfic is for me. What's missing? What's there that doesn't tell me enough? What do I want desperately to see that Tolkien never wrote?
The list is long. My writing is not up to the job, but that never stops me.
But, the year or so away wasn't for nothing. I always discover things about me, the world, about life and living when I'm away from the internets. It's my annual battery charge, walking in the rain and running in dizzying circles in a field to fall down and look up at the blue, blue sky. To see the clouds and wonder where the winds go, what they see, who they touch.
I learn a lot in those times. Sometimes I can bring it back with me.
This fanfic though, I'd swear she plucked images from my head, took unrealized desires and ideas and made them real. It was one of those rare times you read something and think ...yes.....YES! This. THIS. I wanted to read this for so long!
So I gave her a gushing review.
I'm a goofball. Always have been, always will be, despite everyone's efforts to refine me.
And I'm in love again. First Age, Second Age. Third Age. Time before the Sun and Moon. Those are the Ages that fire me, and make me wish (so hard, oh...so longingly) that they would bring it to life on the screen. But then again, seeing what they did with a few of my favourite characters? Eh...I'll pass. Like the movies, and I'll watch them, happily, but it's not what I see in my head.
I'd share the fanfic, but it's probably not going to hit you the way it did me. I love quirky, odd little stories that never get BNF status. I squirrel them away to read and re-read on the train, and hoard the images they spin in my head like Smaug and his gold.
After all, dragons know a thing or two about things of beauty and they can shoot fire.
Yeah, I'm a Smaug fan. I always did wonder if the "corrupted" things of Middle-earth went to Mandos, and if so, were they ever re-embodied? But that's another can of worms for the canonites to pick over. I'll just be over here blowing smoke rings....
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 08:34 am (UTC)I wish you the joy of it, and I wish everyone took the joy you do in it!
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 08:25 pm (UTC)If you aren't a fan to have fun, why are you a fan? I would have asked because that just stinks of pretentious nonsense to me. Do what you want to do and let me do the same is my motto. Live and let live.
I've missed my Elves. ;)
no subject
Date: May. 23rd, 2013 08:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 08:01 pm (UTC)But glad it's pinging your brain again! I was on the verge of a bit of FNEH, too, until a few people sparked my brain.
Hooray for joy. ♥ And hooray for being in love with books, films, and a whole universe.
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 08:38 pm (UTC)And thanks. :) We'll see if it goes anywhere, but I'm of a mind to indulge my cravings for more Ecthelion. If PJ can indulge himself in making one little book into 3 huge movies? I don't feel guilty. *g*
So what have you been writing?
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 08:44 pm (UTC)Oooh, yes. EXCELLENT. I approve of this indulgence of cravings. :D :D :D
I have been... banging my head against the wall, instead of writing, mostly. Cannot get out of the you-suck-your-writing-sucks-your-ideas-suck-everything-sucks mode that I'm in right now. But it'll pass eventually. It must.
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 09:14 pm (UTC)*wrinkles nose* That sounded better in my head. It's an image of how I see your writing, and not a very good one. I just read the one you wrote for ...was it Zee? In the exchange. Erestor/Glor doesn't spin my wheels at all, but that's not what struck me in that story. What stays with me is the garden, the way they reclaim the house, and go for the ride and ... You paint pictures with words. Those are what stay with me.
You so, so, SO do not suck!!
(and what was the name you asked us to use? I know it's not Tam. Bad me, I was being anti-social when you posted *sigh*)
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 09:30 pm (UTC)I'm fighting a lot with the Inner Critic right now - she is loud and stupid and even though I intellectually know she's not right all the time it's hard to shut her up.
HEE. I'm sort of going by my actual name now - well, my actual middle name, the one I use for, well, everything online except fandom. Anna.
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 09:27 pm (UTC)Let's see. Your birthday passed and I missed it in my anti-social snit. What could I write for you? Any ideas? I know, not a great gift, but all I can offer. ♥
no subject
Date: May. 21st, 2013 09:37 pm (UTC)Not great, my arse. The best gifts are created gifts. >_> Er... *thinks* Erm. You were saying something about indulging a craving for more Ecthelion? :D
no subject
Date: May. 31st, 2013 09:24 pm (UTC)Your creations, btw, are gorgeous. We have a lot of crafters here at work but none, and I say this in all truth, can match what I've seen you post.
no subject
Date: May. 25th, 2013 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: May. 31st, 2013 09:23 pm (UTC)